The Raunch Hands "Million Dollar Movie" 1991***

This might well be the worst cover art for a record  in my collection. It looks like something a bored high school kid would design for his home-made compilations. I bought it last week at the open market record fair (platenbeurs) in Schiedam, which is by the way a nice town. Most visitors to Holland don't bother visiting, but it's worth it to see the tallest old-school windmills in Holland (some still producing flour, which can be bought on site) and the jenever museum, jenever being the country's traditional strong drink, a kind of precursor to gin. The platenbeurs is hosted in a different town every time, so if you want to catch it go online and check the agenda. Now, as I was saying, the cover might as well scream "Do Not Buy" but I seemed to remember The Raunch Hands being mentioned as a garage band, one that has collaborated in the past with...the Fuzztones' Rudi Protrudi? Wouldn't bet on it, but it was worth a shot. Turns out my memory served me well: The Raunch Hands play raw rock'n'roll with blues and punk overtones. For lack of other references, one can best describe them as the American analogue to Billy Childish's UK groups (Milkshakes, Headcoats etc). Michael Chandler has also served with more conventional garage rockers like Outta Place and The Fuzztones. Crypt Records boss was so impressed with their primitive rock'n'roll that he included one of their songs in his "Back From The Grave" compilations (the only non-60's band that had that honor). The "Million Dollar Movie" CD compiles the same-named double 7' and 1990's "Have A Swig" EP. The diversity of the band's influences is evidenced by their cover choices: from a rollicking take of Screaming Jay Hawkins' "Frenzy" to a bluesy "Let Me Roll It" (of Paul McCartney & The Wings) and from the Sex Pistols' "Did You Know Wrong" to Downliners Sect's "Mean Evil Child", a punk/R&B hybrid featuring some mean harmonica. Other great garage rockers include "Flat Foot Bagel Boy", "Give It Up" and "Never Comin' Home" (killer sax, there). There's also some sloppy blues, cow-punk country ("Hellbent") and raunchy instrumentals like "Java" and "Chunky Time". "Everybody Loves Yo' Mama" and "Naked, Naked, Naked" provide some adult entertainment. The latter is dedicated to an ex-girlfriend of Chandler's with a penchant for sex in public places and provides us with a list of those: "Gettin’ wet/at The Met/It’s gonna be screwin’ time/ at the Guggenheim" (who says museums can't be fun?)

**** for Flat Foot Bagel Boy, Mean Evil Child, Frenzy

*** for Java, Give It Up, Let Me Roll It, Everybody Loves Yo' Mama, Did You Know Wrong, Never Comin' Home, Naked, Naked, Naked, Hellbent, Chunky Time

** for Let It Burn, You Can't Have Me, Set 'em Up Sam, The Long Crawl Home, Mama Says